ana:lies

Every time I open up Tumblr, I feel less and less inclined to scroll through many pages of dashboard. I look at the number of posts I have left in my queue and think, “Maybe I should delete this all when that number goes down to 0.” I’ve got it set to post one a day at noon.

Each time the page loads initially, there’s the thought, “5 more days” or “6 more days” or “4 more days”. There was a time when it was up to 20, but that was months ago. Now it’s just stuck around those numbers, fluctuating back and forth as there’s always something, one or two little things, on my dashboard that just prompt me to hit “reblog” because they trigger the words “relevant” or “exactly” or prompt laughter or “awww how cute”.

This Tumblr has become swarmed with reblogs. There was one a time where I thought, I’m really going to stick to “ana:lies”, but that time has long, long passed, and ana:lies slowly just became a scrapbook, in a way. I’ve been picking and choosing things that happen to come into my sphere of awareness and attributing meaning and thought to them only when brought up. That’s kind of the way I am with conversation, too.

I’ve kind of started to not care, anymore. It’s interesting — I’ve always loved to keep things for “sentimental value” or to be able to look back and laugh at the past, take part in all the good memories that I tucked away. But at this moment of time, I can’t even fathom the contents of the 2000+ posts that ana:lies has accumulated over these past 2 years, and it’s easy for me to think “oh, it doesn’t really matter”. 

I think I probably won’t delete it because a part of me is still saying, “Just keep it so you can look through it in the future.” We’ll see if that happens.