August 2010
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“What about little microphones? What if everyone swallowed them, and they played...”
– Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer
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Perhaps I should stop reading this book
because it keeps making me cry.
July 2010
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Day 15 (7/28) — The person you miss the most
Fifteen-year-old me,
I guess it’s kind of dumb to miss you, but you were a very important part of my past (;P). I miss your confidence, your drive, your constant moving on and hoping. Sure, you were pretty naive and you let people use you for schoolwork ‘cause you liked feeling special, but you enjoyed the life you were living.
When senior year hit I missed you the most — you...
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Day 14 (7/27) — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Amiga,
We definitely used to be super close. I don’t know how it ended up so, and it did, and it stuck through most of high school. Then the drifting happened.
I wonder if the closeness was only because we had so many classes together, because we had thought that there was so much to talk about and share with each other. I remember those daily bits of learning, the gossip, the emails, the...
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sadness
excerpt from Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer I went to my grandmother, your great-great-grandmother, and asked her to write a letter. She was my mother’s mother. Your father’s mother’s mother’s mother. I hardly knew her. I didn’t have any interest in knowing her. I have no need for the past, I thought, like a child. I did not consider...
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some (random) things:
something I keep losing: my cell phone
something I keep doing: worrying
something I cannot do: draw straight lines with a ruler without smearing the ink
something I need to change: my sleeping habits
something I wish I could change: the fact that I’m not going to NSO
something I keep telling myself to do but don’t: my 30-day letter challenge
something I fear: registration
...
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Day 13 [7/26] — Someone you wish could forgive you
I set your life out of equilibrium, I tried to force a certain product with a reaction I had no right to tamper with, no ability to control. I don’t think it’s fair to hit someone with such painful truths so bluntly or in such a cruel way, to make someone suffer when they haven’t purposely acted in a displeasing manner.
I know I’m pretty much at fault and don’t...
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Day 12 (7/25) — The person you hate most/caused...
Hard-headed,
I hate you the most, periodically. I can’t stay mad at you (I can’t stay mad at anyone, for that fact). I really wish you would change your attitude, though, because your attitude seriously will get you nowhere. When I’m just trying to help, you snap back at me so easily, like some animal that hasn’t yet learned not to bite the hand that is trying to feed it.
...
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So much to do!
So much to think about! So many possibilities! How will I ever get to sleep now?! MUST NOT THINK ABOUT THINGS THAT REQUIRE MONEY! Must think about things I need to make… in less than two weeks. Will I start that project and then finish it? HOW DO I MAKE IT JUST RIGHT?! Will this… sore throat go away. Can someone help me get away from this home? The freaky technology suffocates me. @_@
...
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Day 11 [7/24] — A deceased person you wish you...
(I do not particularly wish that I could speak to anyone from the past, but, I dunno)
Grandpa,
I never met you. I don’t know anything about you, ‘cause no one says anything. I remember grandma’s story about how you two met, something about a hill that seemed so… old-fashioned, in a cute way, but that’s about all I’ve heard, besides my mother’s vague...
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Day 10 (7/23) — Someone you don’t talk to as much...
Arbol,
It’s funny, not ha-ha funny, but interesting/strange funny, how when we first started talking I kind of thought the same thing, still, that I wish I could have talked to you more before then, because by that time, your time was ending, and after your time ended, I’d really have not much reason to talk to you. Actually, I guess there could always be some reason, but I felt that...
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Day 9 (7/22) — Someone you wish you could meet
Peg Davis,
Your poems really struck me when we read some of them in Dr. Rath’s last year. “In That Order” struck me the most (I think I teared up towards the end of that analysis session just thinking about it). Your other pieces sent me elsewhere, into a crisp, state of memory and disconnection, into a place of deep reassessment and consideration of life. I loved how they took...
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Living shuffles by:
Listening to and singing (the verses of) Written in the Stars from Aida constantly, making phone calls and stumbling over the easiest words, browsing Tumblr, watching Doctor Who, reading The Neverending Story, falling asleep while trying to review chemistry, pondering possible schedules and classes (AND DORM LIFE!), occasionally spending an hour or so playing with sisters, stringing beads on...
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Watch-cough- A fragment Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody back on 6/28
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Day 8 (7/21) — Your favorite internet friend
Mister-y, mastery,
Half a year knowing you, and my perspective and attitude towards the world has kind of shifted. At times you’ve made me feel like the worst person in the world, and at others you’ve made me feel more stupid, awkward, and naive than ever, but I guess that’s okay because I’m opening my eyes because of you. Your chat log is easily the biggest (though other...
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Day 7 (7/20) — Your...
Well, I’m behind on my challenge. Someone wrote me a letter (read more) that I could have posted for this and said that I wrote it, but well, lol, I’m not really sure… what to make of that letter. It seems… so out of place, bwahahaha. It is there for your enjoyment. I can’t remember what it all reminds me of (Some book or story? Some movie? Some written piece? Help my...
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Day 6 (7/19) — A stranger
Nameless one,
You don’t know how much you scare me. Now, I’m not judging you by your looks or anything (really, you don’t look scary), but the thought of talking to you makes me sick to my stomach. If you notice me standing there, fretting for a while, it’s because I’m thinking of all the things I could and should say when I initiate conversation, so I’m...
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“She looks blurrily pulled together, until you start to notice things like the...”
– Billie Piper (via somethingofthewolf, hellyeahbilliepiper)
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Day 5 (7/18) — Your dreams
Sueños,
In reality, you are nightmares. You don’t quite exist. Sometimes I want you to exist. Sometimes I wish you would just go away. You flood my thoughts and keep me alert at night to the point that I wake up easily to any voice or sound. In my sleep I am in a constant state of alert. In my sleep I am always running because of you.
What I really need you to do is solidify, to turn into...
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mish-mash
Overpowering feeling of exhaustion and immense desire to sleep, worries, worries, and more worries, a tinge of inner sickness, swarming thoughts about what needs to be done and how to go about doing those things, butterflies (stomach-hungry butterflies), weak attempts at self-assurance, weak attempts at blocking out reality, slight heartbreak, slight longing, ever so thin glimmer of hope and a...
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Day 4 (7/17) — Your sibling (or closest relative)
M&M munchkin,
With your curly hair, glasses, and attitude, I guess you could pass as a young copy of me. I don’t hate you for choosing the cello over the violin; I am just glad you found something you don’t mind doing, unlike the piano and what happened with soccer way back when.
I still don’t know how you got so addicted and crazy about playing video games. I always have...
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Catch-up
Thurs/Fri/Sat was pretty good. Things didn’t go as planned of course, and right now I’m fighting the slight pain in my head and sleepiness. Dinner downstairs smells delicious, and sooner or later mother will call us down to eat, oh wait, that just happened. Urm, I need to catch up on my letter challenge. The one for Friday wasn’t done so well (-sigh-) and I missed doing...
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Day 3 (7/16) — Your parents
Mom and Dad,
It’s silly, because whenever we get in disagreements or when I have to sit through you talking to other relatives about me and “my plans” when I’m right there, so much is running through my mind, and really it’s not typically good. But now, I can’t bring myself to bring up a word because you really do so much for me. I don’t know, I guess I...
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Dang,
The nerves really get to me. All I’m doing is thinking. And worrying. I… gosh, omg. Not ready for this. NOT READY. And now I’m hoping that these people are awkward geeks like me, so I’m crossing my fingers and just getting ready to hold my head high even if embarrassment comes my way. Time to thrown on this character of confidence and assurance (or throw off the character...
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Day 2 [7/15] — Your Crush
Dear You,
I’m not sure if you still exist (as a crush in my mind).
I’m not even sure why I’m really writing a letter to you, when I could very well run away from this and do something like write a letter to some celebrity (or fictional character?) and say things like “I really like when you wear glasses and your fancy clothes with Converse and tap into your brainy side...
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Day 1 [7/14] — Your Best Friend
Querida computadora, (oh, dear laptop of mineeeeee)
We’ve spent nearly every day together since your birth… and it sure has been fun. I know that being friends doesn’t always go to well, as I force things upon you and litter your memory with useless pictures and tons of manga, and you get angry to the point that I feel that I really want to just tell you to chill out and put you...
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It's the possibility that keeps us going, not the...
(via poeticheartache)
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Starting the letter challenge tomorrow...
I feel like I should do these challenges before… I need to really detach myself from the computer… I might force myself to try write parts of them in Spanish.
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite...
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misc.
AIM is giving me a headache and I fear for the life of my computer. I practiced violin for more than usual (usual being not at all), and I took my anger out on a drawer of clothes that seemed to just be poorly put together, thus coming apart when called to open. I go to sleep late for no reason and wake up so easily, to people talking downstairs about coming to wake me up. I spent way too much...
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Day 30 [7/13] - Ways you believe you have grown...
In the negative interpretation of the phrase, I’ve grown to be lazier, less trusting, less sociable, less optimistic, and less well-rested…
But, in the intended interpretation of this phrase, in the past 30 days… I’ve become a little stronger in will as I think I’ve gotten better at controlling my urge to run away from things that I need to do… I’ve been...
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Day 29 [7/12] - What you live for.
Late night conversations, silly letter revelations, seeing people smile (like REALLY REALLY REALLY smile, the kind that comes quite unexpectedly to the bearer), breaking things like math down so that it’s understood, making things that make others happy, pastel skies and bright bright sunshine, making time together worthwhile.
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Day 28 [7/11] - A moment you remember being...
Happiness = Quadruple Love. Haha, ok, rather… feeling and knowing that everything is right, even in that short moment… a feeling of invincibility and enjoyment of the way life has worked itself out.
I was pretty happy while we were watching the hypnotist at project grad. I mean, I was sleepy and all, and I was having a hard time staying awake, but I remember just looking around at the...
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Boredom boldy-thingy (again)
(via: xtinenguyen:myunholyconfessions-:successfulfailure:)
[I feel like I wanted to add a lot of commentary to some of these… but I’m lazy, even though I’m bored, so, neh. A lot of these were like… not bolded because they were only “occasionally”… and for music, most of it was unbolded because I am ignorant and have not really listened to some of those...
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Day 27 [7/10] - Your definition of the meaning of...
The meaning of life… is to learn as much as you can, through experience, until one finds a method of contenting oneself.
LiFE (defined by letters)… is the individual caught between Love and Fear, trying to find a safe balance between the two… is the individual striving for Everything, but needing to overcome Fear first, as Fear is the that which separates one from everything...
