Day 16 [6/29] - Something that you want to do within the next five years.
Uh, lol, get my driver’s license? Get my bachelor’s? Figure out what the hell I really want to do with my life and education? Go to Disneyland/California Adventure/Knotts Berry Farm and ride all the rides I failed to ride the last time we went? Fall in love?
…JK about the last one. =P But everything else, seriously, yes.
(And yes, this is a very early morning doing of the Tumblr challenge for the day.)
Day 15 [6/28] - A moment, phrase, or song that has changed your life the most.
Halfway point?! YESSSS, I’ve kept on track.
I’m not sure what to do for this one. A moment and a song will be covered in the future (I think), so that leaves me with a phrase… But what phrase has changed my life the most? For now, I’ll say that it’s probably something like “practice more” or “it’s not perfect enough”, or even something like “live in the moment” or “back in the Philippines”… Regardless, it’s a phrase that my parents have said over and over again.
Without those phrases, I definitely wouldn’t have become the person I am today, because my life is centered around fulfilling my parent’s expectations.
I don’t really know what to say, so you get this half-enthused and partially thought out challenge post for the day. Meh.
and yet, you’re still unsuspecting (or, at least, you seem to be).
My cell phone rings atop the table, and I refuse to answer. A few vibrations, a pause, a few more.
A solid black border sits partially filled, clumps floating around within, searching for a place at which to be fixed.
The remaining pieces are laid out before me, and the one I’ve been looking for all this time sits RIGHT THERE. I don’t realize it for what it is— it’s in too obvious a place, it seems too easy to find, so I skip over it, assigning it little significance in my mind, and search thoroughly everywhere else.
There’s something nagging at me, a hunch that it’s that one, but I refuse to believe it, and put the thought and feeling out of mind. Pretty soon I forget about it and don’t even consider it a possibility. There’s no way it’s that one, there’s no way that something like that could happen. I eliminate an answer choice on false perceptions. I’ll recognize my mistake when it’s over and scold myself for making too many assumptions. I’ll think, if only, and imagine the what-could-have-beens.
The piece won’t do anything to try to capture my attention. There’s no need for it to believe that it needs to. After all, it’s right there, and how blind can I be (even though I need glasses)? No waving, no flashing colors —the most ordinary of the ordinary. It has trust in my ability to keep an open mind and give everything a chance.
I don’t want to believe that that’s the piece I’m looking for; I don’t want to believe that a piece like that exists, there. That piece won’t fit. It’s just not right, it’s just… not what I want. Not what I expect. Not what I’m looking for.
The piece will realize I forgot about it. The piece will wonder if I forgot about it intentionally. The piece will worry about if it did anything wrong, if it’s shaped incorrectly, and if it’s from a different puzzle, but I won’t admit that it doesn’t belong there.
My puzzle sits unfinished and the glass of ice water creates a ring on the wooden table. The condensation won’t wait for a coaster to tell it its limitations. The ice bobs at the top, withering down like my desire to keep searching until it disappears.
And, in everything else, I seem to keep forgetting that different densities don’t (really) mix.
It’s the way the world works: Something needs to change if I’m ever going to move on.
Granted, I haven’t heard very many mashups in my lifetime, but when this was floating around Tumblr, I was pretty *___* over it. It made me feel happy, so yeah, here it is again. Yay DJ Earworm and the music of 2009.
“I think that’s what’s wrong with the world. No one says what they feel, they always hold it inside. They’re sad, but they don’t cry. They’re happy, but they don’t dance or sing. They’re angry, but they don’t scream. Because if they do, they feel ashamed. And that’s the worst feeling in the world. So everyone walks with their heads down and no one sees how beautiful the sky is.”—(via raindropsonredroses)
“Uh, that is it for now. Halloween is over, ZOMG. ZOMBIE GAME AT MOB BASH AT XPHOSHO’S HOME WAS AWESOME. SCREAMING. FALLING. SNAPPING (yarn). SELF-INDUCED BLINDNESS. EXERCISE. RANDOM DANCING. LESS THAN ONE MINUTE OF HUMAN EXISTENCE. INVASION OF… PERSONAL SPACE. (: That was the best experience ever. Forget what the neighbors thought, I had fun. It was great to be with my friends. XD oh actually I ate a lot while I was there.”—
Day 13 [6/26] - A memory that never fails to make you laugh
As recalled on October 31st, 2009, an hour before November hit. (: That day of Halloween zombie-ness at Phoebe’s house was seriously silly and fun, yeahhhh.
A - Available: Mhm. - Age: Two to the fourth. - Animals: Cats, parakeets, butterflies, red pandas, tamarins!
B - Beer: No thank you. - Birthday: 0921 - Body Part on opposite sex: Hmrgh?! Eyes? Hands? D:? - Best feeling in the world: Falling into deep slumber in a comfy bed after a day of mental destruction. - Best weather: It’s got to be sunny. Sunshine loveeee. - Been on stage? Yup. Orchestra? Elementary school Performing Arts? ;D - Believe in Magic: Hm, nah. - Believe in Santa: Sorry, no.
C - Candy: Rock candy! Or Skittles. - Color: Purple (red + blue!) - Chocolate/Vanilla: Vanilla is fine. - Chinese/Mexican: What? - Cake or pie: AUGH, hard decision. Cake, I guess. CHEESECAKE. Oh. - Cheese: “I’M A HORSEY! No, YOU’RE A HORSEY! GIDDYUP!”
D - Day or Night: Uhm, night. - Dancing in the rain: w/other people? Sure. Otherwise, that’s a surefire way to get sick, yo! D:
E - Eyes: Dark brown and requiring use of corrective lenses! - Ever failed a class? Haha… no?
F - First thoughts waking up: WHYYYYYY. Oh mom is home. - Food: Hmmmmmmm Japanese?
G - Greatest Fear: The future. - Goals: To not fail college =/ To help people be HAPPY, to help Sci Aca and Math teams and make sure they’re ok… - Get along with your parents? Sometimes.
H - Hair Color: Uh, I seriously usually said BLACK for this. But according to someone… dark brown. -sigh- - Happy: People make me so. - Holiday: Christmas?
J - Jewelry: Lacking, in general. - Job: Full-time procrastinator, “scribe”, and worrywart.
- Kids: They’re adorable (I only say that because I haven’t dealt with them). I’d be a doting mother. - Kickboxing or karate: Uh, I have no knowledge or either. I supposed that means I can’t defend myself. - Keep a journal? Uh… kind of? I get lazy.
L - Love: Half of the essential E-quation. Essential for life. I dunno, if it comes, it comes. Trying to love everything. - Laughed so hard you cried: I don’t think I have. - Milk flavor: Uh…. Normal?! - Movies: Haha, romantic comedies or animated films or something w/Jim Sturgess… JK.
N - Number: 3.
O - One wish: Uh, I wish I had Wifi right now (at the time I am continuing to do this).
P - Perfect Pizza: Non-greasy with that crunchy thin crust. I… don’t really have that big of an opinion on pizza, but pepperoni alone bothers me.
Q - Quail: I don’t think I’ve eaten any.
R - Reason to cry: Death of someone who loves another very much. - Reality T.V.: Uh, I don’t watch T.V. so much. Does So You Think You Can Dance count? - Radio Station: Crap, uh, 93.1? I don’t listen to the radio much either. ;_;
S - Song: Uhhhh, ? Whatever this background music in this movie is. - Shoe size: Uh, 6.5, I think. - Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries.
T - Tattoos? No thank you. Neeeeeeeedles D: - Thunderstorms: They’re kind of cool. Scary, but cool.
U - Unpredictable: Eh, I wish I were.
V - Vacation spot(s): I dunno, lol. “Hawaii” =P. Take me to Asiaaaaa! Or. Houston. I want to go to all the museums, lolll =_=;; - Who makes you laugh the most: “The Internet” - Worst Weather?: TOO MUCH SUNLIGHT aka the world is put into an oven and it feels like I’m burning and so I lie, face flat into the carpet.
Y - Year it is now: Two zero one zero, WHAT? - Yellow: Coldplay?!
Z - Zoo animal: Chimpanzeeee? They’re entertaining, more so than lemurs. I like watching giraffes too, hahaha. -eating tree- JK.
LAST PERSON WHO… 1. Slept in a bed beside you? -shrug- Sister, way back when, probably. 2. You went to the mall with? Renee, Kat and Becca (: 3. You went out to dinner with? Uh, does the fair with the MOB and Taylor and Jacky count, haha? 4. You talked to on the phone? Mom. 5. Made you laugh? Mariah. 6. Hugged you? Johanna (“It’s good to see you again after graduation!”) 7. Said they loved you? Mom. 8. Held your hand? Uhhhh? Sorry, you know I won’t have an answer to this question. 9. You spoke with? Ms. Sheryl (“So, how was graduation? How many valedictorians were there?” and so on and so forth.) 10. You cried over? I don’t like the connotation of “cried over”. I last cried over that post about the grandfather.
**from the letter O onwards was done while waiting during my sister’s lessons today.
Yeah, uh, since this day kind of calls for a single person (I think), and members of Motion City Soundtrack alone to me are not my favorite… plus I don’t like searching for info, I’m gonna follow Tyler’s example and link you to Wikipedia, haha. And yay for Andrew McMahon; I think I’d like to watch Dear Jack someday. I do, of course, like his music (mainly Jack’s Mannequin stuff, though).
Whenever someone makes a beautiful piece of art - drawing, music, photo, whatever - the first thing that most people think of is that they’re jealous of that person’s talent, you know, rather than thinking like, “Wow! Another beautiful creation added to this infinite universe!” Rather than appreciating it, and getting inspired by it! And I mean, jealousy really gets you nowhere. It only limits you because you think, “Oh, I will never be able to create something that good,” so you create this reality of not living up to your truest potentials.
Also, the night before last night, I dreamed of reading some posts on Tumblr and having people from the MOB visiting after their beach party. There were two giant tents in my backyard and wooden picnic tables, and weird mannequin-like things modeling these bright pink swimsuits, which were absolutely horrid. There was this one stupid post in which, you know how people make pictures with like letters and numbers and symbols and things, like rabbits or cats? Well, it was a dog, but it was very barely so, like, I think there was a dog like that made in The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time. But this dog was in a post made by Ray and he had written or spoken in a sad tone about it, how he missed it and its name was a monosyllabic one like Chuck or something, haha. That was just weird. I’m pretty sure we were having bbq or something. I really don’t remember much from that dream.
I remember even less about last night’s dream. There was definitely a lot to it, though, but it went POOF because I didn’t write it down or think about it. But I remember, my sister learning to drive, and I was thinking, NO, YOU CAN’T LEARN TO DRIVE YET, ‘CAUSE I HAVEN’T EVEN FINISHED LEARNING YET! Except they weren’t quite cars and people were actors and there was fake blood that looked like grape juice and things falling from the sky. I really wish I remembered that dream because it was kind of interesting, and very action-adventure like. (:
Since you have asked XD and I remembered. Erm… the STN series has died >.< I need to revive it (I’ll have time eventually). I need more DTX stuff too >:[ I’ve been too busy to play. I hope the orchestra footage brings back memories ^__^
I told myself I’d stop posting for the day, ‘cause of that whole spam just now of fair Friday. But augh, I just opened Tumblr again and a whole page of my dashboard had posts that were all David Tennant. Oh my goodness… XD Maybe I should unfollow some of these things, hahaha. (:
Again, bits and pieces. Giant field, lots of people, in lines and rows and circles and things, creating some sort of pattern that you could see from above. I came to the realization “This is all the work that people go through to set up for Youth Symphony?” as people were dancing together in some sort of tribal-like fashion in order to place these objects down where they were all positioned. It was some coordinated set-up dance, and I had stumbled onto this “behind-the-scenes” look at all the work people went though for us. Complete strangers. Remember, this is a giant field. Oh, and there were mountains lining the sides, with an opening on both sides… like ( ) that, the parentheses being the mountains… I suppose. Through the top, the one I could see in the dream, the grass died down and faded into sand, soft sand, and then blue, beautiful ocean. So distant, and kind of hidden from my sight by the mountains. I guess in my mind, that was “White Plains.” =/ Not ever actually having gone there… Haha. In the field there were giant tents, and in one of the Stacey and Dayna were working on this animation which I thought was insanely cool. It… was more of a transition like thing, but it depicted the change from night to day and day to night, in that cartoon-like world they had. I was mesmerized, haha. I don’t know what that was for, though. I also remember receiving a call, and it was Justin speaking, with a bunch of the MOB in the background, because I guess he was driving them all to White Plains (I dunno @_@?!). I gave directions over the phone, which was weird, because I was like… “drive through all the people (the people being a landmark?!) and towards the ocean” or something stupid like that, because… It seemed pretty obvious where to go. For some reason the whole scene reminded me of Pokemon. Hm. At one point, I know I needed to rosin my bow, except I didn’t have the rosin in my case (because in real life, I really did not put my rosin back in the case; It is sitting next to my laptop on this table) so I borrowed Keli’s. There was something about pineapple juice, and me doing some set-up task with a team incorrectly, or me working too slowly… I dunno. That was the major part of the dream, though.
That is all I can remember after 9 hours of sleep.
The problem with this question is that I mix up actual memories from when I was little with events that I’ve watched myself in… Like, it’s pretty easy to watch a vid of when you were little and imagine yourself in that event… like, have a memory of it. The problem is I don’t know if I… made up what I “remember” or not.
Uhm. Darkened kindergarten classroom. After lunch. In those little seats, everyone else already asleep. I remember this girl always brushed her teeth after lunch, and I asked her about it. I guess my earliest memories are of that classroom, looking around it, the sun filtering through the windows covered in bars. I also remember that test with colors and shapes, haha. (:
Day 05 [6/18] - A thank you letter to someone who has changed your life
Dear (you’ll know who you are),
It’s the truth when I say that you have really shaped who I am today. Sure, there was a gap of a few years in which we stayed out of each others lives, but the events that caused that gap and what has happened now that the gap has been passed has taught me a lot.
Maybe it’s not the best of things to bring up, touching old scars, but I want to say that I’m sorry for what I did. I also mean it when I say “thank you”; thank you for being that way, because there’s no bigger a wake-up call in this world when you realize that you are a human being in a world of human beings, and that the actions we complete cannot be undone.
Thank you for guiding me back in middle school, when I was just learning to play the violin. Without you, I wouldn’t have gotten my first violin, and I wouldn’t have ended up learning from Ms. Sheryl. I still remember that day in Music Center, and I think back to the times in orchestra, like when we played Orpheus in the Underworld and I asked something along the lines of “What the fuck is spiccato?” Did I really ask that back then? All I remember was that you were appalled that I had phrased such a question in such a way. I also remember beavers, chipmunks, learning to trill, emails (in stick letters), Xanga, the time you and D came over and we watched Phantom of the Opera… Goodness, has it been a long time. I was really glad to be with you and the others when I was adjusting to the MMS area. (:
Ahaha, and thank you for not forgiving me for a while. I think I needed to wake up. Then I started hanging out more with different people. I feel relieved, in a way, because I took on different habits, and such. Better how I am now than how I was back then. I learned, and then I got to have fun being your stand partner, yay!
This past year really great, having half of our classes together, all in a row. Just having someone to talk to late in the evening (or very early in the morning, rather?) was a comfort. And you know I wouldn’t have been able to survive that table if you weren’t there.
and for some reason, that makes it harder to remember. There are bits and pieces of it scattered around my brain, and I know for certain that I was worrying throughout the thing… It was some weird take on graduation preparations, like with a different auditorium, and there was this old rickety wooden dark staircase place connected to it where we were hanging out… And there was also this field/parking lot place like at Waipio Soccer Park. with those wooden barrier things lining the road, and that was right next to the buildings. I distinctly remember trying to get everyone food, but all we had was mostly grains, and for some reason, people kept giving ME their leftovers, so I had like rice, normal pieces of bread, bagels, and stuff like that. I felt sick, but I don’t think I ate it. I just remember being disgusted looking at it, and appalled as people were just like “Romee, I don’t want this anymore -gives-“. I also remember going to the table lined with foods, that were still all grain, and demanding fruit, which we didn’t get. I’m pretty sure I was the one running around trying to keep people satisfied and calm… And I know I was acting like a mother.
I distinctly remember, at a part, being all panicky and paranoid, because it was dark (like a dark and stormy night) outside, and a group of people were like “LET’S GO BORROW ______ (some horror movie) and watch it before the ceremony” and I was like NO GUYS YOU MIGHT BE TRAUMATIZED or something (in actuality, it might only be me that will be left afraid) and that would ruin the ceremony or whatever…
I also remember us lining up alphabetically allllllll along the wooden barriers, girls and boys mixed… and I remember walking up the alphabet, and somehow I ended up between Isaac and this guy who I think went to my elementary school. Freaking weird. Alphabetically WRONG. Hmmm…
In the hall, the seats were filled with us, and there was still that table with the food on it off to the side… But the lights were on and it felt like we were just chilling while it rained like crazy outside… And a group of people were doing some sort of production on stage? Like practicing, and that was supposed to be our ceremony… I remember there was this main guy, who kept changing outfits because he was some sort of double agent or whatever @_@ And I remember noticing that his outfits were never completely changed correctly, so it was like OH NO HIS SECRET WILL BE GIVEN AWAY! At one part I remember he had this black cap on and then the image of him reminded me of the character Kim Hyun Jun (definitely because I went to sleep after having the internet DIE before I finished ep. 6) as he was trying to get away from the N. Korean special forces and the Hungarians… I know I thought “That cap will give you away!” in both the dream and as I watched the drama, lol…
Then at some point they finished and it was like PHEW he didn’t get figured out or something. And then I realized that the person who was that main character was someone I knew and it was like HEY LOL! and they were in normal clothes (but everyone was in semi-graduation attire? Confusion and weirdness) and then I thought oh that looks cute on him HAHAHAHA -shiftyeyes-… =_=;;
I guess it was a good dream because in the end my stresses were resolved and I didn’t worry about the lack of variety in food anymore. In the end we were just all relaxing together in that hall with no worries about the storm that was raging outside. Silly silly.
On another note, THIS RAIN BETTER STOP BEFORE TONIGHT, YO! I don’t want to not go to the fair, but I also do not want to have to ride already frightening unstable seeming rides with the new obstacle of -slip- -splatsplatsplat-.
Day 03 [6/16] - The five songs you would have with you on a desert island and why
1) Obligatory Motion City Soundtrack! Sure, it doesn’t substitute for food, but I’ll probably be freaking out… You know what, screw it. I’m on a desert(ed) island. I have always wanted to sing L.G. FUAD at the top of my lungs without being scolded or looked at like I’m crazy. So yeah. Desert(ed) island, profanity, bonding time! Funnn.
2) Well, I probably won’t be able to sleep on that desert(ed) island. So… to fit in with the mood, I’d bring some piano music (Andare by Ludiovico Einaudi or Maybe by Yiruma) and put it on repeat, and let myself just get lost and hypnotized, and rather than think, I can just… sleep. Hopefully, without nightmares.
3) Currently addicted to Starlight by Muse, and I cannot listen to it and not feel a little bit better about life. So, yeah, that’s coming with me. A little balance is good.
4) Uh, I need a girl’s voice to balance things, or something close to that. -cough- I’m kidding, I really love this. Owl City - Tip of the Iceberg. Desert(ed?) island = heat, song with wintry imagery = yay. Calming and refreshing, no doubt about it.
5) Kenny Loggins’ “Your Heart Will Lead You Home" from the Tigger Movie. You bet I’ll be crying, but it’ll keep me feeling safe. Plus, it reminds me of playing the piano at home, that just-after-dinner relaxing with family feeling. (: BRING IT ON, DESERT(ED) ISLAND!
So, I don’t know if I’ll really survive with only these songs, but I don’t care. Whatever. I’ll sleep/scream/cry my days away on that island, yeahhh.