All the pieces to the puzzle are right here. (Remember I said to take count of the missing pieces? Well that’s only for hearts; This is pieces of people.) It is so obvious Omg it is so so obvious it kind of makes me want to go And delete delete delete But deleting your history Is like deleting you, in present time. Present you cannot exist without past you.
Words: I need better ones That disguise how I truly feel.
A friend of mine recently told me that there’s no such thing as feminism, because feminism is a word made up by sexist women. The funny thing is, I think he’s right.
(By the way, Pan, can you figure out who Santa is?)
Woah, I only saw this now. =_= Sorry Dusty. And… it’s like 2:40 AM homigosh I too am so dead… And I’m not certain about Santa’s identity, but if I had to pick a person I would pick Nick. Nick seems like the person to make proclamations like that. With reasoning.
Funny thing is I just saw a post about feminism. Hmmm…
Who’s to say there’s no such thing? (:
The existence of ideas is not quite the same thing as the existence of physical objects, but still, I’d like to believe that if something is thought of, then it exists in some way… though some people may deny that existence or label it as something else. Teehee. Brain hurting. No more of this existence/non-existence stuff. Aliens…
falling 11.27.09 (you don't have to read this shit but i like to keep this here to make me think after time has passed)
how can you tell me “sad, i’m so sad” and ask “are you sure about cancer research? are you
being driven by cancer research now?” when the whole reason i’m decided to follow this path was because of you all you? i know you’re disappointed i don’t think you realize it but i’m disappointed in myself too i don’t think you see it but i feel sick every time i look at these applications every time i look at these essay prompts every time i start writing down these failed words and try to force myself to get somewhere and try to break this damn barrier i created for myself far before the beginning of this summer
this is because of you i’m not blaming you but the future i chose for myself was all for you all for you all for you
i only know school, i only know science, i only know
academics i can’t do anything without thinking about it i can’t just write and notice how disjointed everything
is i just can’t stand this anymore i can’t stand this feeling that no matter what i do, i’ve already fallen too far
behind and there’s no way i can reach the finish line anymore
it makes me sick to talk to my friends to hear their voicemail messages asking me for help on homework i hadn’t even considered starting it makes me sick hearing them start to celebrate
admission into colleges i’m jealous i’m scared i’m sad i’m lost i don’t want to be in this position i don’t really know what to do
i’m missing pieces i really lost the person i was before i miss that drive i look at the practice personal statement we wrote a tthe beginning of junior year junior year was the best year ever i was happy so happy i loved being alive i loved school i loved not being held down by thoughts of another “you” when did “you” become so important to me i don’t think you even are anymore i wasted all my time thinking this past summer and falling apart because i didn’t know why i let myself do that i dont’ know why i decided to half-ass everything i don’t know i didn’t know how to live
chemistry was my love nothing made me happier and as the last period of the day it always drove me to stay happy throughout school god those were good days i want to go back i want to have a future like that day after day the same topic the same people the same place doing things for the future learning is for the future falling apart is trying to reach the past
if i get a future in cancer research i think i’d be so bored but everything you want me to do is so boring i’m so lazy i don’t want to do anything i want to stay in the present that way i don’t have to move time will move around me i will get left behind i dont’ think i’m ok with that oh well
i’m hurting right now the bags under my eyes will never go away i’ve been feeling thinner that feeling will never fade
you’re not joking i don’t think i will again i’m tired i don’t really want to wake up tomorrow morning i love the sun and the clouds and the cat that looks out
the window but i don’t really want to see them if i don’t deserve to i don’t want to try anymore i don’t want to run this race if i start an hour behind
the others i know wasted effort don’t waste your effort on me
let me write sad thoughts forever let me write fakely optimistic buddy infos forever let me write down the truth forever let me write down your lies forever let me stop with this repetition it gets old so does feeling sad but i’ve been sad since summer i guess i’m old that’s ok i never felt young
ok enough emo dose, let me suffer through this essay
again i’ll try just because i don’t want to let my life slip down into a
land of no accomplishment then i’d really want to die 'cause i don't want to be a falling star i don’t want to know what happens when i land
chicken being perceived as spaghetti with bok choy
the similarity between sibling pairs at school
ten ________ _______ vs. one _______ _______
ominous text messages
lol it apparently being punishment from some higher being if a girl looked like rl HAHAHA
ok i don’t remember much more. this is from one time period in the day. i can’t remember much else from the rest of the day.
oh except for the fact that I learned that sponberg is going out with kimura and that kyle has a really weird and kind of irritating… reaction, so to say, to my sister and I. His expression cracked me up when he said “Please come” and I just said no but he kept that expression on, like his face could win me over, so I hit that freshie face with a rubberband saved from the packaging of lunch from the snack bar. Um and today sponberg was chewing gum in orch class which really pissed me off.
First full orchestra rehearsal was today, omg it went by pretty quickly and we didn’t sound that bad. It was ok up to the point that I felt that the trumpets/brass section minus the french horn and tuba, were blaring and overplaying, I just really didn’t like how they sounded. Woodwinds are pretty amazing too, except someone in the flutes/piccolo… Is always out of tune. I realized I need to practice more, ehe, at least I’m hitting most of the notes well, it just doesn’t sound as clear as it should probably be.
Brain failing. Inconsistency disturbing. Tired. I don’t want to reflect right now.
When Madame de PompadourKristen Stewart became the mistressgirlfriend of Louis XV Rob Pattinson, no one expected her to retain his affections for long. A member of the bourgeoisieTeam Jacob rather than an aristocrat Team Edward, she was physically too coldhot for the carnal BourbonVampire king, and had so many enemies that she could not travel publicly without risking a pelting of mud and stonescrazed fans and paparazzi.
[w/commentary ‘cause i don’t like thinking about personal statements] sorry to the people that HATE these kinds of things. thank you to the people that post these things and give me something to waste my time on, haha. (:
Today, I was walking along and a girl pointed out my gray hair and asked why because I’m still a teenager. I convinced her that I’m really 43 in Hawaiian years and that we age faster because we’re closer to the equator and thus go around the world faster. She said she was so sorry that I was going to miss out on life. I have no idea how I kept such a straight face. MLIA